I fully believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that everything we do causes a reaction in the world. If we do something positive and with positive intention, it sends out good energy. If we do something bad or with bad intentions its putting out bad energy into the world. And whatever you put out into the world comes back to you, it may take days or years but it comes back. Essentially it’s what people call “Karma”.
I believe that it can take years for your life to even itself out to neutral grounds if that makes sense…if you were once “bad” it takes years for those consequences to play out but by living more intentially and by facing your past mistake life becomes easier and starts to work more in your favor. The better you are, the better your life becomes!
Which brings me to my current predicament. Out of the last 5 weeks or so this has been the week that’s made me question myself, my intentions, motives and thoughts the most. I fully believe what you think about determines your day and/or life.
But just because I believe that to be true doesn’t mean I don’t still fall into the negative trap of my own mind. And holy cow has my mind tried to go down the negative rabbit hole this week.
This week I’ve been experiencing heart palpitations and my heartbeat has been jumping up really high when I’m laying down for no reason at all. The heart palpitations and rapid heart beat has been going on for some time on and off but I’ve been doing some life changes that I thought would help decrease them. For example I thought smoking weed was making my heart beat very rapid but honestly I’m not so sure I’m convinced of that now. It’s been 9 days since I’ve consumed preworkout and any other caffeine besides my cup of coffee in the morning. I quit smoking (for the 100th time but the last time!) a month ago, I started working out again a month ago, started hot yoga almost 2 weeks ago, and I started meditating daily a month ago. I assumed by making these life changes, life would be better. And dont get me wrong it super is!!! I feel better than I have in literally YEARS! But there’s still part of me that wonders if I’m doing this to myself.
I had to go to a cardiologist 3 years ago because I was experiencing heart palpitations and a tight chest. My doctor ran some test and determined that it was mainly caused by anxiety but that I also do have a valve that doesn’t seem to get the proper blood flow but she insisted that it wouldn’t affect me till later on in life towards my 50′-60’s.
So now I’m wondering if this rapid heart beat and palpitations is from anxiety or if it could be something “worse”. It’s very nerve racking to be laying down and your normal heart rate that’s around 61 bpm jumps up to between 110 and 120 bpm.
But I’m finding myself doing the “what ifs” and when your stuck living in the “what ifs” your brain is in a negative mindset. So therefore of course what you are thinking is going to happen more. So I guess I’m just conflicted within myself because what if it could be something serious? Or nothing serious at all?
I went to my doctor yesterday and they are doing test next week to make sure but honestly it’s kind of making feel like a hypochondriac. And therefore I’m feeling more negative because I’m judging myself in such a way.
I wear a fitbit daily (not saying it completely accurate) but everytime I feel my heart beat increase it does indeed show up on my fitbit that way so I know its not just a figure of my imagination. My face use to literally go numb I was so anxious. I swear these days I hardly ever feel like I deal much with anxiety especially compared to “old Krista”. I’m generally am a pretty happy upbeat person who is physically active every single day and drinks more than half my body weight in water. But man did I have years of super bad caffeine abuse. And I mean BAD. Caffeine pills,1-2 red bulls, five hour energies, b12, extra large coffee ….in one day. Mostly within a few hours if not almost all at once.
I think this is where my worry is coming from because I know I had taken such bad care of my body. I’m 28 years old, I shouldn’t really being having these symptoms. But again the choices I made when I was living a super unhealthy lifestyle may catch up to me and maybe faster than I thought.
So I guess I’m just stuck with this mindset thing right now. Could I think only happy thoughts and it would stop? Am I being a hypochondriac? Am I doing to many thing at once causing me more anxiety than I realize? Am I literally causing my heart to be wacky because I’m thinking about it? Could it be years of my terrible caffeine abuse?
No matter how much you surround yourself with positivity, inspiration and motivational things its extremely easy to get sucked back into the negative mindset and go down the negative rabbit hole. This week was definitely a little reminder that just because your changing your life around doesn’t mean your past cant catch up to you. Just because your trying to be more postive doesnt mean life isn’t going to try and test you and see how you come out on the other side. So I guess I’m just really wondering at this point if it’s all mindset or if your past decisions really do dictate the rest of your life.
Authentically_Krista 